Journal Entry – May 20, 2016
Last night was a rough one for sleep. I suppose I should have seen it coming given that the day was one of heavier pain my usual painful days. It was around 06:00 (yes, morning) before I was able to fall asleep. The pain was creeping into my hips and thighs with especially painful burning in my right thigh. I always appreciate when I get these wonderful new sensations. Not really, I am sure you can detect the sarcasm intended by at least it’s not the same mind dulling pain I experience every day.
Of course the pain isn’t the only problem; the biggest problem is always the mind and figuring out a way to shut it off. If anyone has figure out how to successfully do this, please share! First, I lie there trying to figure out how I managed to develop this new pain or what I did to cause it. I most certainly didn’t do any squats – that’s far too advanced of an exercise for me at this level – and I try very hard to not to lift anything heavy when my back flare up. This can go on for hours and while the mind is at it trying to solve the riddle of the new pain, it begins to work on other things as well such as how to achieve world peace, what sound does a penguin actually make, and how I am going to make my rent payment in September when it’s only May. The cycle is never ending…OH, cycle…that’s it.
The mind latches on to the motorcycle ride I took on my birthday. Well, the mystery of the new pain has been solved. Ah, the enjoyable motorcycle ride; why do the things we do for enjoyment end up causing us pain? However, even though the pain issue has been solved, the mind is now still fixated on the world peace and penguin mysteries. I will never sleep now.
Distraction, medication, and medication; they are the only way I was able to lull myself to sleep. I pull out one of my trusty Harry Potter books (I am such a nerd like that, I read them at least once a year) and the familiar words are like a lullaby. I have taken Motrin PM plus pain medication and eventually as the sun comes up my eyes begin to droop. I put away the book and now meditate; focusing on my tranquil spot with the water moving and sun shimmering. Sleep is achieved but phones begin ringing at 08:00 and it’s all broken sleep from that point until the medication begins to wear off four or five hours later, pain begins to increase, muscles begin to stiffen, and it’s no longer enjoyable to lie in bed.
This is what it’s like for me at night and I can imagine it is similar for other who suffer from frequent pain. The nights can be frustrating and often times the only way you get decent sleep is to be so exhausted your mind and body can’t fight it. Being that exhausted isn’t good for your though. I have found when I am over tired like that, I tend to smoke more, eat more, and care less about myself. It certainly isn’t a recipe for success and the I spend the day doing as little as possible, ignoring the things I should get done because I just don’t want to do anything.
It doesn’t help at all that today, in Mid-May, the weather has decided to turn and pretend to be winter. Everything hurts worse when it is cold. We even seen some slow flurries this afternoon. Yes, snow in May and promise you, we do get snow in Nevada. Tonight, however, I am going to do what I often do and try to head it off before it starts. I will take the medication earlier, start the book earlier, meditate earlier and pray. Praying actually does help, if it weren’t for the Lord I probably wouldn’t be here. Tomorrow will be a better day.