Journal Entry – May 24, 2016
Okay, there is where accountability and honest comes in. I have accomplished nothing. I have been tired, crazy, and lazy for the past three days. I have given in to the woe is me depression so many of us suffer when we don’t feel good. I have wanted to sleep and do nothing else, however, I haven’t slept well for four days and still did nothing. Here is where I can take one of two paths – given in to the depression that this causes OR change it.
I gave into the depression yesterday. I let my head be filled with a lot of “I can’t…” and “I don’t want to…” statements. Of course, these accomplish nothing and none of the pain went away so I chased my tail in the loop of “ugh.”
Today, I decided to take the change it approach. I have been watching my husband the last few days struggle to get our truck running again. He suffers from a chronic pain all his own with a condition no one can diagnose as well as Psoriatic Arthritis. There are days it renders his hands useless. I wish upon ever state that I could do something to help but I am not a mechanic and the best I can do it cheer him on. He’s about done with our truck and my cheerleading.
It is inspirational sometimes to watch him. I know it’s hurting him yet he is doing it. I wish we could afford a mechanic but I can only work limitedly and he can’t work at all so income is of course tight. I can only imagine the hundreds of times he has said “I can’t do this” in his mind and the countless times I have heard him out loud how much he doesn’t “want” to do it. Yet he does.
I find when I get stuck in the “I don’t wanna’s”, I start with something simple and work my way up from there. I got myself up and took a shower. I got out of my pajama’s and into some everyday person clothes, and went to offer my services to help with the vehicle repair. I took a few minutes to exercise a little doing step ups on the bottom stair of the steps that lead up to our townhouse. It’s amazing how that little bit of activity helped clear away some of the fog and get my head back in the game. I was actually able to help with something on the truck. I did a few more step ups on my way back into the house, I paid some bills, made some phone calls that were long overdue, and started a couple of new segments for the blog.
Things are looking up and all it took is one change to turn the tide. What’s one change you can make today?